Just Because
by His Lil' Half-Blood Princess
Summary: Lily's life is changing rapidly- widowed and left childless, engaged to Sirius Black right after her husband's death, known as a hero to all of the wizarding world. And then, there's Severus Snape. SSLE or SBLE? Contains some mature and graphic content. UP FOR ADOPTION.
1. Chapter 1

**Just Because**

_Welcome, everybody, to my latest Severus and Lily story. Does this mean I have abandoned _The Story of Us _and _Lily's Battle_? Of course not. But I got this idea and I couldn't ignore it. :)_

_Dedicated to Alethea27._

**XxXxX**

A man dressed clad in black was rushing down a corridor, taking one quick stride after another. His black boots patted quickly and softly against the floor as he walked. His billowing robes flowed out behind him elegantly. The man seemed no older than twenty, but his face showed that he had been through much and was presently very concerned about something. What it was, you could not tell.

The man took a turn and reached a staircase- a staircase that moved. He rushed up the steps- skipping one- and continued to his destination. He ignored all of the portraits on the wall- talking portraits, mind you- even though some of them said some rather nasty things as he passed. A group of children stood in a huddle in the middle of the corridor. One of them noticed the man in black and they all hurried off. It was easy to see that this man was not well liked in his present setting. But he could not be bothered with people's opinions, for he was used to them by now.

It was never Severus Snape's intention to end up in the situation in which he found himself. The problems that haunted him during his childhood had forced him down a path that he regretted taking. A path of darkness, a path of pain, anger, hurt, and sin. He had never wanted to be someone evil, someone awful, someone disliked. All he had wanted was power and recognition. For no one ever noticed the pale and skinny boy in the second hand robes. And those who did either left him, eventually, or tormented him. Everything had become so terrible that he was soon unable to tell good from evil, light from dark. So he chose the wrong path- and ended up here.

Here. Hogwarts. He was ever so grateful to be here- in his only home. If it had not been for Dumbledore's grace, Severus would be sitting in a cell in Azkaban, rotting away into nothingness. But Dumbledore had been good enough to dip into his pocketbook and buy Snape out- and not only that, but give him a job. It was more than anyone could ever ask for. He had even protested against the Ministry giving Severus a probation, but Snape didn't mind it. It wasn't too awful, really- no drugs, no getting drunk, keeping a job, staying at Hogwarts between 6 pm- 9 am unless with Dumbledore, three infractions and he was back in Azkaban. He wouldn't dream of breaking any of them, after what Dumbledore did for him? Never.

He passed the clock tower, where the two large hands spent their days ticking away. The clock read 12:31 am. He remembered- it was November 1st. His late father's birthday. He sighed and shrugged it off. It wasn't as if his father had ever thought about his son's birthday. So he hurried off- to the Hospital Wing. He was nearly there.

He heard the sound of voices- concerned voices, and he ran. He slowed his pace when he was a few feet away from the entrance. He swept in to see a group of people- mostly Order members and professors- standing in the waiting room of the Hospital Wing, talking hurriedly. The Headmaster was among them. "Headmaster?" Severus said, his voice soft and shaky, as he reached his mentor. Dumbledore turned and looked at him.

"Severus."

"I came as soon as I heard. What happened? Are they all right?" It was obvious that he was concerned and awfully scared.

"May I see your forearm for a moment, Severus, before I explain?" Severus nodded, knowing what he meant, and gave Dumbledore his left arm. Albus rolled up the black sleeve and ran his hand against the soft, pale skin. Severus wasn't looking at him or what he was doing- he was trying to catch a few words in the conversation beside them. Dumbledore tutted.

"Well, here is our proof, everybody," Dumbledore said loudly, gesturing them all over. Severus looked down at his forearm and gave a tiny gasp.

His Dark Mark was missing. Even the scars engraved into his skin were gone and they _never _left. What had happened?

Everyone gathered around to stare at his arm and he felt rather uncomfortable. "So does that mean...?" Molly Weasley said, her hand over her mouth.

"He's gone. He's dead."

Relief settled over the entire room- except for Severus. He was still confused. "Who? What are we speaking of? What happened, Headmaster?" The people around them had gone off in separate directions, sitting down, talking in a corner, or stepping out all together.

"Voldemort-" Snape flinched. "-was defeated. He's gone...for now."

Severus was shocked. He wasn't sure whether to feel excited and happy that his dreaded master was dead- or to feel still nervous. "...Are you quite sure?" he breathed.

"Your Mark is gone, Severus. He's also gone." Severus inhaled deeply and turned his head a bit, still shocked. He put his hand to his forehead and shook his head.

"This can't be happening..." He collapsed into a seat and stared at the floor. The Dark Lord was gone. How? He didn't know. But he was gone and that was all that mattered. That monster of a man was no longer there to torture him or to hurt him or to pressure him. It was as though a bag full of rocks had been taken off of his shoulders. It was like he could breathe again. The feeling was wonderful.

So wonderful, he knew it couldn't last long. "What happened to the Potters?" Severus asked, looking up at Dumbledore, whose face was upset. "Headmaster, please."

Dumbledore sighed. "James is dead. Harry as well." Severus couldn't help feeling awful, even though he despised James Potter. But he had never wanted him dead. Nor the child. Harry was an innocent child, not yet two, and he was dead. It was not a day purely of joy after all.

"And Lily?" he whispered, the words so dangerous to him. He wanted to know the truth, yet not knowing it was so comfortable, but terrorizing at the same time. He couldn't stay in the dark. But if Lily was dead...

"She was injured. Voldemort went into the house and murdered James first. I believe Lily had taken Harry upstairs. Voldemort shot the Killing Curse at Lily, however, it did not kill her. It backfired and destroyed him instead. The house collapsed, killing Harry and injuring Lily. We found her just in time. She's inside now."

The relief that Lily was alive flooded over him, but was soon replaced by fear. What if she died from her injuries? He had to see her now, "Can I go see her?" he asked, looking at the door.

"Poppy won't let anyone in and I believe Mr. Black is first in line." Severus clenched his fist. Dumbledore noticed. "Keep your temper around him, Severus. I know he irritates you and likewise, but there is enough going on."

"I'll keep my temper if he does," Snape hissed.

"No. You cannot go off on him. Lily needs peace and quiet to rest and recover and the rest of us have enough on our hands. Please."

The younger man sighed. "Fine, fine, fine." The door to the Hospital Wing opened and Madame Pomfrey stepped out, silencing the room.

"I've just finished examining her. She's got quite a few cuts and bruises and is wavering in and out of consciousness. My guess she'll be fully awake in a day or two. I've fixed all the broken bones and closed all the wounds. All she needs now is some rest." Again, another wave of relief crashed into the room, this time taking Severus Snape with it. Sirius Black stood up.

"May I go and see her?" His eyes were red from crying and he looked tired and weary.

"I'd let you Sirius, but...well..."

"But?"

"Well, she asked for Severus."


	2. Chapter 2

**Just Because**

_Short chappie. _

"Severus?" Sirius asked, whisking around to face Snape, who was equally surprised as everyone else. Sirius laughed bitterly. "You probably heard wrong, Poppy. It's SIRIus, not SNIVELLus."

Severus clenched his fist tightly, wanting to shout back at Black. Dumbledore gave him a look. Severus dug his nails into the bottom of his chair to help him keep quiet. But it was so difficult with Black spitting insults right in his face.

"Sirius," Dumbledore said, keeping his voice leveled. "You can express your opinion and that's fine. But can you please be mature about it?"

_Black doesn't know the meaning of the word "mature", Headmaster, _Severus wanted to hiss, but he held his tongue.

"But it's the truth, Dumbledore," Sirius yelled. "She couldn't have asked for him! Even he doesn't deny it! It's impossible!"

"It's perfectly possibly, Sirius Black!" Madame Pomfrey screeched and Black fell silent. Then she lowered her voice. "If you are going to yell and fight, I suggest you do that somewhere else. Lily needs her rest. Please leave the Hospital Wing."

"But I'm going to go see her," Sirius whined and Snape rolled his eyes. Would he ever grow up?

"She asked to see Severus Snape ten minutes ago, Mr. Black! And I am going to respect her wishes!"

"You said she was unconscious; How could she have asked to see anybody?"

"If you wee listening, I said she was wavering in and out of consciousness. Right now, she is awake."

"But I- That's not- He hasn't-"

"Please sit down, Sirius. It is Severus's turn." Madame Pomfrey said finally, turning to face Severus. "That is, if you wish to see her."

From the corner of his eye, he could see Black eyeing him angrily and the rest of the Order trying not to look at either of them. "All right, I'll go see her."

"Very well. Follow me." She lead him out of the waiting area and he closed the door behind him. He heard the slamming of a fist against a surface behind him and he knew Black was extremely angry. But he didn't understand...why did Black want to see Lily so badly? "Ignore him, Severus," Madame Pomfrey said. "He's just upset." Severus nodded and they made their way to the private ward, where Lily was being kept. The door was closed and Poppy stopped in front of it.

"I've run some tests and Lily has had a mild concussion. That means she's going to be in the hospital for a few weeks. The rest is mainly dizziness and cuts and such. But keep your voice low when speaking to her- she can't deal with loud noises or flashing lights right now." Severus nodded. "And...well...she hasn't asked me anything yet. If she asks you, I suppose you can tell her what has happened." Severus swallowed, a bit nervous, but then he nodded again and Poppy opened the door.

"Lily," she called softly. "You have a visitor."

Severus, hesitantly, stepped into the large, light-colored room. Lily's head slowly turned to face him and he heard the door close behind him. "Severus," she whispered, her voice hoarse.

"Hello, Lily," he said, his voice shaky. Lily gave a small smile.

"Come over here. Sit next to me." He slowly made his way towards the bed and sat down in the chair beside it. Her hair was matted and there some wires and bandages around her head. There were a few cuts on her face and she looked very pale. But her eyes were still the same- glittering and shiny and beautiful. She was beautiful. No injuries could change that. "I've wanted to see you since I heard..." She faded off.

"Heard what?" he asked, his voice low.

"...that you...turned...you're a teacher now, right?"

"Yes, I am."

"Potions Master?"

"Yes," he said, giving her a tiny smile.

"You don't go back to...him?"

"Well...yes, I do. But I work for Dumbledore. I'm a spy."

"Remember, we used to play spies? When we were kids?" Lily said, her words a bit slurred. Severus nodded and smiled.

"Yea, I remember."

"I've missed you."

"I've missed you as well."

She fell into a deep silence and looked around the room. "Did James get mad when I asked for you?" she asked. Severus was a bit taken back. What was he to say to such a comment? He didn't want to be the one to tell her that her husband was dead. But she needed to know eventually. And unfortunately, this had to be the time.

"Er...Lily, there's something you ought to hear about James..."

Lily looked at him, confused. "What? Is he all right? Did he get hurt too?"

"Lily...he...he...Lily, James...didn't...didn't make it." Her eyes suddenly went dull and she stared at him blankly.

"You mean he's...he's dead?" Severus couldn't speak- Lily looked so hopeless and sad all of a sudden. He nodded stiffly and Lily's eyes started to fill up with tears. "How? How, Severus, how? How is he dead?"

"The Dark Lord...he killed him. Lily, I'm so sorry." Tears started to pour down her cheeks and Severus felt like someone had stabbed him. This was his fault. He was making Lily cry. How come he always ended up hurting her when he loved her so much? It made no sense.

Lily buried her face in her pillow and started to sob. He took her hand and she held it tightly, as though she never wanted to let go. "Severus, what am I going to do? I love James so much...I can't live without him..." That hurt him even more- her, proclaiming her love to James Potter. But he felt as though he deserved that.

She looked up at him, still crying. "Where's Harry? I want to see Harry." Severus inhaled deeply and looked at her sadly and somehow, she got the message. "Him too? Oh God..." And she started to sob even more.

Every sob was a blow to his heart. She clang desperately to him as she continued to weep over the death of her family. It was too much to bear for him. He could not put himself through torture much longer. He loved her so much and her happiness was what made him happy. This was heart breaking. She was so strong most of the time and now here she was, sobbing. He was about to crack under the emotional stress.

"Lily," he whispered, stroking her hair. "Sirius wanted to see you. Do you want to see him?" She calmed down a bit, still holding onto him, and nodded. "All right. I'll go get him for you then." She loosened her grip and he stood up and made his way to leave.

"Come back later," she begged. He looked back at her and nodded.

"Of course I will." He went back to the waiting room and everyone looked up at him. "She wants to see Black," he said.

"Finally! Now things are back to normal!" Sirius stood up and strode out of the room. Meanwhile Severus went straight to the dungeons before anyone could ask him anything. He just didn't think he could handle it.


	3. Chapter 3

**Just Because**

_This is the chapter I thought up first. _

_I'm thinking of changing the name of the story to either "The Other Side Of The Door" or "Fearless". Tell me in your reviews which one you'd like, or if you'd rather I keep it the same. Speaking of reviews, review! That keeps me motivated and I worked on this chapter for a long time._

**XxXxX**

Lily soon was released from the Hospital Wing a few days later, but she was by no means better. She wasn't eating and was extremely pale. She had been spending long periods of time in her rooms and those who passed by could hear her sobbing. The death of her husband and child was taking a toll on her and she was not speaking to anyone. Sometimes Dumbledore or McGonagall or Remus or Sirius would try to comfort her. But her heart was shattered and nobody could fix that- she was sure of it. She just needed to be alone.

Sometimes, the loneliness was too much to bare, so she would go down to the Great Hall for a bit of food. But she would regret it the moment she would enter. All the faces of the many innocent children haunted her as she would make her way up to the staff table. Those little children...Harry would never go to Hogwarts. He would never be like them. Never. She would feel the tears threatening to spill and she would hurry to her seat. The faces of those at the staff table were just as awful. There was Dumbledore with his damned twinkle in his eyes and his warm smile. It made her remember the joy she once had. Then there was Minerva and Remus, who would look at her with a sadness and concern. It reminded her of the care she used to receive and give to her husband and child. Then there were the other teachers who would start whispering when she would sit down. It made her angry that they were talking about her and her family and what had happened to her. Then there was Sirius, who would sit beside her and try to comfort her. He was trying to act like James. She remembered what James had said- if anything happened to him, trust Sirius. But she didn't like Sirius too much...

Then there was Severus, who sat on the other side of her. He would do nothing more then pull her chair out for her and mumble a "your welcome" when she thanked him. She would try to look at him and scrutinize him, but his face was void of any emotion and he would try and avoid her gaze. She didn't know why. But once, she had said his name and he had looked up at her. She stared into his eyes and tried to find _something _in the black sparkling depths. And she had found a little something and that was pain. And regret. And she knew why. He had been the one to give Voldemort the prophecy...

Was she angry at him? She couldn't find it in her heart to be angry at him. Because, as she had heard, the sacrifices he had made after his mistake outweighed what he had done. But it was still done. It was not completely his fault that her family was dead. There was more to it than just the silly mistake of a nineteen year old boy. She had looked at his face. He looked twenty, but he seemed so much older. The innocence was gone. The youth was gone. The simplicity of life was gone. It was gone from him, gone from Remus, gone from herself.

The only one who seemed to have any of that left in him was Sirius. She didn't know why someone would be so light-hearted after all of this. Didn't he have the same emptiness inside of her that they all did? Wasn't he effected by the tolls that came with war? Or was he merely breezing through life as he did before, living and laughing and screwing up and forgetting it? That wasn't a way to live anymore. It annoyed her. His best friend was dead and he seemed to feel no remorse. In fact, he seemed happy.

And when she had looked into Severus's eyes and all of this hit her in the face and this dream-like state become hard, cold reality, she felt tears stream down her face. She still looked at him and she whispered in her hoarse, broken voice, "I forgive you." And she had left the hall, not daring to look back at him or anyone else. She had ran to her room and locked the door and sobbed for so long that when she was done, the sun was down.

And she stayed in her room for the next three days straight. She ignored the house elves that brought her food. What was the point? Life was useless.

One night, the wind was howling and the rain was coming in down in sheets. The lightning was so frequent, it seemed the sky was lit up and the thunder was loud enough to break an eardrum. She had hated thunderstorms...she remembered James's comforting arm around her on those stormy nights and how she would snuggle into his chest and how he would stroke her hair and murmur in her ear, saying that everything was fine and that he would always be there for her.

Another bolt of lightning came down and the thunder once again roared outside her window. She grabbed her pillow and held it tightly to her chest and sobbed her heart out, screaming the names of her husband and child, wishing they were there. But they weren't. They were gone...into another world...far away from her and her misery. She loved them and missed them so...

"I will never love anyone again," she whispered into the darkness. Her face and pillow were soaked with her salty tears and she wondered if she would ever run out of them. "I will never love another man as long as I live." And with that, she curled up into a tiny ball and tried to find a happy place somewhere in her soul filled of hurt. She clutched her pillows tightly and pulled the blankets near, trying to imagine that her husband was beside her and her son was in the next room.

**XxXxX**

"Minerva," Dumbledore said, taking her hands into his own. Minerva had just arrived at the Entrance Hall where they were waiting for everyone to come downstairs. Minerva looked at him and shook her head mournfully. His robes were the darkest shade of purple, while hers were a forest green. She knew that if Albus could, he would be wearing sky blue right now, but that was disrespectful. After all, you had to wear dark colors to funerals.

"Oh Albus, this is a dreadful day," she whispered softly, looking out the window. The sky was blue and the weather was beautiful, but their hearts were as cloudy as a storm.

He smiled sadly. "It will not be the happiest day, no. But a funeral is a way to bond together after a terrible loss. Maybe this will help Lily feel a bit better, knowing she has people to help her."

"I hope so," Minerva said. A minute passed and Remus and Sirius came clamoring down the stairs. Remus was wearing his normal brown robes, while Sirius had a dark blue. They mumbled a greeting to their professors and the four stood in silence.

More Order members arrived and Hagrid came with the carriages. There were exactly sixteen of them going- omitting Hagrid- so they had four carriages lined up to go to funeral and burial at the church at Godric's Hollow. There would be more people coming, of course. Dumbledore hoped Rita Skeeter wasn't one of them. They had put up many protections so no Muggles would see anything and they didn't want any press either.

Lily finally arrived, her eyes red and her face flushed. She looked exhausted and sad and weak- which was exactly what she was. She was wearing a black dress, something she had rarely worn. People tried not to stare at her, but it was obvious that she was the dominating object or their thoughts and conversations. She was feeling extremely down today. The emptiness inside of her was so great that she didn't know how she could go on now. She was going to her husband's funeral. She was twenty.

Why was life this difficult?

"Lily," came Dumbledore's voice from behind her. She turned around and he grasped her hand in greeting.

"Hello Professor Dumbledore," she said softly, not even trying to fake a smile. What was the point? Another outburst of tears? She didn't know if she had any left.

"Come outside, everybody. Four per carriage. We should get going soon." The crowd of people slowly made their way outside to the carriages. Minerva approached him and Lily, who hadn't moved.

"Albus, where's Severus?" she asked. Dumbledore looked around.

"Hmm...I don't know. He should be up in a few minutes."

She nodded and took Lily's arm. "Come on, Lily, dear, sit in our carriage." Lily didn't protest and walked over to the carriage with Minerva. Dumbledore watched them go and sighed sadly. He hoped desperately that one day, the bouncy, joyful, happy Lily would return.

Hagrid helped Minerva and Lily into the carriage. Lily leaned her head against the window and Minerva rubbed her shoulder soothingly. "It'll be all right, dearest. This is a time to reflect on all of James and Harry's happy memories and bond closer with one another." Lily nodded and blinked back more tears. She couldn't cry now. They weren't even there yet...

"S'cuse me," came the voice of Sirius Black from outside the carriage. Lily and Minerva looked outside. Sirius and Remus were standing there. "Could we take these empty seats? There isn't much room elsewhere." Minerva looked at Lily who made a face.

"Certainly there's more room in the other carriages," Minerva said. "Hagrid promised there'd be enough room for everyone."

"Well...I mean, Arthur, Molly, Emmaline and Aberforth are in one carriage, then Mad-Eye and Kinglsy are in one, then-"

"Well, there now! There's two seats in Mad-Eye's carriage! Surely you can sit there?"

"Sirus.." Remus said, trying to get him to leave Minerva and Lily alone.

"Why can't we sit here?" Sirius demanded.

"Because, the Headmaster and I are sitting there, Black. Leave Minerva alone." Sirius turned around to see Severus Snape standing behind him, wearing his usual black. His hair...did he wash it? Lily was a bit surprised.

"Severus," she said softly and he looked up at her. She gave a tiny smile, which took much effort, and he nodded. Sirius scoffed.

"Well, Moony, we can tell where we're not wanted. Let's go." Sirius stalked off and Remus mouthed a "sorry", then followed him to the other carriage.

Dumbledore entered the carriage and sat across from Lily, then Severus went inside and sat beside him, across from Minerva. He shut the carriage door behind him and sighed quietly to himself. There were so many other things he'd rather be doing than going to Potter's funeral. But it was polite and Lily needed support. And...she had said...she forgave him? For what? For everything? He'd have to ask her another day. Today, she was more emotionally fragile than ever. It was going to be awful- everyone would be sobbing and he hated it when people cried. He hated funerals. It reminded him of when his mother had died. He had felt this emptiness and everyone had been sobbing and trying to comfort him. But he hadn't wanted any comfort. Then Lily had came and for the first time, when she had hugged him, he began to cry. That was the only time he had broken down in front of her. She hadn't been like the others, nagging him, offering comfort. She had been open, but she didn't ask if he needed it. She had been there when he wanted it.

The carriages started moving towards Godric's Hollow. He didn't understand why they needed to take a carriage all the way there. He hated the carriage- he always fell asleep.

"How long is the ride, Headmaster?" he asked.

"Not too long. Maybe forty-five minutes," Dumbledore said, trying to force some cheerfulness into his voice.

"It's so nice outside," Minerva commented. "My favorite kind of weather. I love the autumn."

"I prefer spring," Dumbledore said, looking out the window.

"How about you, Severus?" asked Minerva. Severus gave her a glare.

"I would rather not join into this childish conversation."

"Oh, Severus, stop spoiling all of the fun!" Dumbledore said. "Just tell us your favorite season."

"I don't have one," he said simply.

"Type of weather then?" Minerva suggested. He gave a loud sigh.

"After it rains," he said. "Now, will you leave me alone?"

"That's my favorite too," Lily said quietly. Severus looked at her. She felt a bit intimidated by his gaze. "But then again, you would know that."

They continued to look into each other's eyes. "Yes, I would." Her eyes were so different. They used to be sparkling and full of joy and happiness. She used to be a beaker of light for everyone. Had Potter meant so much to her that she had faded forever? He hoped not...

"Why that type of weather?" Albus said and they stopped looking at each other.

"Well...I don't know. There's something about the way the world looks when it's just rained. There's little droplets on the leaves and there's a glow off the pavement and the air is misty. It's magical, really..." She faded off. She hadn't spoken in more than five word sentences in a while. Was she feeling better? She thought of James and immediately fell back into her empty state.

The rest of the carriage ride was relatively silent besides Dumbledore and McGonagall's pathetic attempts to strike up conversation. Lily wasn't up to talking and Severus was usually rather quiet and besides, the conversations were absolutely ridiculous.

They finally reached Godric's Hollow and Lily shut her eyes when they passed her old home, which was now in shambles. She had heard from the others of how it had become a wreck and she didn't want to see it for herself. It would be too difficult.

Once they reached the chapel, Severus got out of the carriage, followed by Dumbledore, who helped Minerva out. The two walked off towards the church. Lily was about to climb our of the carriages herself, when Severus offered her his hand. She accepted it and he helped her out. His hand was very soft and it surprised her. She remembered the feel of James's rough hands Maybe it was all of the potion making that had kept his hands soft. "Walk me in," she whispered to him and he nodded. She didn't know if she could do this...

They walked into the church and Lily wanted to make a beeline for the pew where Dumbledore and McGonagall were. However, Sirius Black crossed their path.

"If you don't mind, Snape, I'll walk Lily in," he said cooly, giving a smile. Lily glanced back at Severus who said nothing, but nodded, and walked away. Sirius smiled and they walked to a pew away from Dumbledore's, while Severus stood in the back of the church.

The next hour was filled with emotions. They brought in the two caskets- one large, one small. Seeing the two caskets shattered her heart and a few tears slipped from her eyes. Then people went up to speak about James and Harry and the sacrifices and the happy moments. It was open mic- anyone could do it- and many wanted to. But Lily didn't want to. She didn't think she could bare it.

Dumbledore, Slughorn, Molly, Mad-Eye, Remus, Arthur, and Sirius were just a few who went up. The memories they shared were so happy, so simple, so pure. Most of them included her and one that Sirius told even made her laugh a little bit. She was sad, she was depressed, she was upset, but something had changed by the end of the hour. Not joy, not happiness, not even hope, really. Awareness. Awareness that these people were there to help her. And that made her feel better.

Everyone went out to the cemetery after the funeral. Lily stood near the spot where the holes were dug. She watched as the two caskets were lowered into the earth and she felt her legs begin to wobble. She breathed in sharply, feeling more empty and scared than ever before. Her legs were about to cave in beneath her when someone grabbed her elbow and helped her keep steady. She turned to look at Severus and was reminded of another day, just like this one, nearly seven years ago when his mother had died and instead he was the one who was about to collapse under the emotional stress. She hugged him tightly now and began to cry into his chest. He didn't seem to mind and he didn't say anything. He merely held on to her and let her cry. She was so grateful. Now she realized how he had felt, losing the only real family he had, having to deal with emptiness and the pain and having to bare with all of the annoying people trying to be of help.

"Severus," she murmured, her voice shaky, cracking. "They're gone..."

He rubbed her back with his hand and she started to calm down, though the tears wouldn't stop. He didn't say "it's ok" or "in a few days, you'll feel better" because he wasn't someone who liked giving false hopes.

By the time the burial was finished, she was still clinging to him, crying silently. "Come on," he whispered quietly. "Everyone's heading back to the carriages now." She nodded and she continued to hold onto him as they walked back. Dumbledore and Minerva were already inside, so Severus helped her in and went inside himself, shutting the door behind him.

The ride back was silent besides Lily occasional sniffling.

**XxXxX**

She stared at her reflection in her mirror, her red hair wet and detangled. She sighed and decided that now, nearly two weeks after Halloween, she needed to pull herself back together. She could still mourn, but she could not simply spend day after day, night after night, sitting in her room crying. She needed to go back to being herself, no matter how long it would take for her to fully recover. James wouldn't like her acting like this.

She needed food, she needed rest. She seemed like she was becoming more of a shadow than a person. She ran her fingers through her hair and smiled at her reflection. A surge of warmth flowed through her and she nodded to herself. She could do this.

She slipped into bed and leaned her head against her now tear-free pillow. She shut her eyes and tried to concentrate on happy memories to help her fall asleep. But one image would not leave her mind...

It was her, clinging onto the robes of a man dressed in black, her head buried into his chest, and he was holding her, comforting her. Why wouldn't that picture go away?


	4. Chapter 4

It had been exactly one month since Halloween and things at Hogwarts had gone back to normal.

Well, as normal as you could expect. Sirius kept showing up at the school during Hogsmeade trips and during lunch, mainly to talk to Lily. However, his appearances were an annoyance to the other teachers.

"Don't you have a job?" a very irritated Minerva snapped one day when Sirius came to lunch. To the relief of nearly everyone, his show-ups were less frequent and he got a desk job at the Ministry after that. He and Lily were emergency Aurors and were only called when needed.

Remus showed up occasionally, however, he came to speak to everyone and wrote in advanced when he was coming. Remus had always been the more polite sort and Lily was grateful for that.

She couldn't believe that it had only been a month. It seemed like a lifetime ago since her life had changed forever. She was still sad and still had that empty feeling nagging her. However, she had definitely gotten better. She rarely cried herself to sleep anymore and she found herself engaging in conversation more than she used to. She was eating and walking around the castle. She had even decided she would not become the new Severus Snape and started wearing other colors besides black. But her vibrance and her bubbling joy was gone. Everyone noticed. She knew that they did.

Dumbledore knew that the only way to get Lily's mind off of the events from the past month was to keep her busy. The old Muggle Studies teacher had resigned and nobody had wanted to replace him. He offered the job to Lily and she accepted, happy to have something to do during the long days she would most likely have spent crying in her room.

It didn't mean she wouldn't sometimes start crying. She was twenty years old and already a widow...

"I don't think I can teach anymore," she had told Dumbledore one day after a difficult class.

"And what are you going to do then, Lily? Sit up in your room, crying? Sink further into a depression?"

"It's just...too hard..." she whispered, starting to cry. "I'm sorry...I'm being so weak."

"Nonsense, my dear! You have suffered a great loss. Nobody expected you to be skipping down the corridors in a week's time. You're doing an exceptionally good job trying to keep your mind off of other things." He reached his hand across the table and held hers. "It's going to be difficult, but life goes on. We will never forget those we have lost, but we need to be strong and move on and keep living. Not just for the good of ourselves, but for those around us. Do you know how difficult it is for us to see you this way? Do you know how much we want to see you overcome this and continue on?"

"I...I never thought of that..."

"Of course, you didn't, my dear, that's completely normal. You have lived for twenty years, yet you act as though you've lived twice that much!"

She sniffled. "And you've lived for about a century and act as though you've only lived a fifth of that..."

He laughed. "That's how most old men act, my dear, when they have left behind the bitterness and tried to move on. Promise me you will try and do the same?"

She nodded quietly and he smiled in satisfaction.

**XxXxX**

Dumbledore opened an envelope that had landed on his plate one early December morning. He scanned the parchment and smiled to himself. "Minerva, could you read this, then pass it to Severus and Lily for me?" Minerva took the parchment and read it. She smiled, then passed it to Severus. He read it, scowled, and passed it to Lily:

_Dear Professor Dumbledore,_

_Arthur and I are having a Christmas get-together at the Burrow and we'd be extremely glad if you would be able to join us. It won't be too big of a thing- we've invited a few Order members and it would be just lovely if we could all get together for the holidays. You're welcome to come as early as the end of term- we've got plenty of room. Please extend the invitation to Professor McGonagall, Lily, and Severus. _

_Love,_

_Molly_

Lily looked up and smiled. She had been wondering what to do for Christmas and she knew it would be a hard time for her. It would be so much better if she spent it at the Burrow. "Professor Dumbledore? When will we go?" she asked.

He smiled at her. "I'm afraid I'll only be able to attend Christmas dinner, since I must stay at the school. However, you, Minerva, and Severus can go as early as possible."

"Oh, Albus, I don't feel comfortable staying at the Burrow all holiday either. I'll stay for Christmas and New Year's, but not the whole time. The students need us." Dumbledore nodded at her in agreement.

"I'll have to-"

"Oh no, you don't, Severus! You're just trying to get out of staying!" Minerva snapped, glaring at him.

"I have no desire to spend my Christmas with a bunch of people who, I have to say, despise me." He said with a smirk.

"Molly and Arthur don't hate you, Severus," Lily said, reasonably. "They wouldn't have invited you if they did."

"Yes, but I have a hunch that Black will be invited, as well was Lupin and Moody and Kingsly. I'd prefer to stay at the school, Headmaster, please."

"Severus, it would be rude to decline their invitation when we all know you're going to spend the holidays cooped up in the dungeons drinking."

Severus gaped at him, shocked that he would suggest such a thing- especially in...present company. "I will not!"

"Oh good, so you'll go to the Burrow!" Dumbledore said cheerfully, turning back to his eggs. Snape scowled to himself and muttered something about a crazy old coot, then left the table, Lily bit back a laugh- what was that? She was trying _not _to laugh?

This would be an interesting Christmas...


	5. UP FOR ADOPTION

This story is up for adoption.

If you'd like it, PM me and I'll send everything you need to you.

Thanks


End file.
